I made a huge mistake – and for the past few days I’ve been trying to convince myself that it wasn’t a mistake. I’ve been trying to work through it and produce in spite of it, and because of my stubbornness, I’ve fallen severely behind on word count.
I started writing before I had a complete, detailed outline. I’ve written enough first drafts and competed in enough rounds of NaNo to know that I’m not capable of writing that way. I can’t ‘pants’ my way through a plot. It’s not just because I’m never satisfied with my completed draft. I need to know where I’m going with a scene before I start writing it. I need to have already broken it down into the smallest possible parts: the goal of the scene, the conflict, the tension. What parts of my character and their arc I’m trying to show. The underlying tone, how and if the scene hints toward my theme. I need to know where each scene starts, and each scene ends.
It doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for me. That’s how I approach, not just writing, but my life. With specific goals and the information to achieve those goals. Flying blind reduces me into an un-creative, unmotivated nervous wreck.
With an outline, I can do 1.5K-1.8K an hour of words that are good (especially for a first draft). When I don’t outline (like this month) I’m doing 600K an hour, 700K at best, and… they’re awful.
So for the past four days, I’ve been actively working against myself, against my novel, and against my story – all for the sake of being bullheaded. “I’m a writer. I can write.” And I can. But I know the things I need to do in order to get those words on paper, and I chose not to do them.
I’m painfully, severely behind. But if I can finish an outline by the end of the day, I know that I can catch up. It will be a lot of work, but if I work with my weaknesses instead of against them – I can still finish this draft on time.
ashleycliston 